So this week was spent begging for money (I'm an Ex-Wag with an expensive habit after all...I'm an addict, a designer clothes/shoes/handbag addict) I led the high life.........Brad Pitt look-a-like Billionaire on my arm, Private Jets, 5* Holiday destinations a zillion times a year, 20 Bedroom Mansions in several countries, million carat Diamonds galore.........but now I'm back in Glasgow, rolled up in soggy newspapers living on the streets, desperate times call for desperate measures!
Was I exaggerating there?! Thought I was a journalist for a tabloid newspaper for a minute & got a bit carried away with myself, sorry about that.....
Anyway...this weeks "Exclusive" was yet another non-entity story regarding me selling items, belonging to me, on Ebay after becoming a 'Jilted Bride' (Jilted seems to be the word of choice at the moment) a varied vocabulary is not a tabloid journalists forte...let me help them out...abandoned, deserted, discarded, neglected, forsaken....but for the record (pardon the pun) I've been selling items on eBay since 2009 & even if I'm selling my Granny on eBay, what the utter F*ck does that have to do with the price of mince??!!!
On a serious note, there were innocent people massacred on a beach in Tunisia, innocent people loosing their lives in an absolute devastating atrocity & the newspapers are printing stories about me selling items on eBay! Sums them right up really.........the public should stop wasting their money buying these newspapers, put your money towards 1 of those big plastic bottles of coke money bank things & whatever change you would have spent on a newspaper, put it in there instead & save up for a designer handbag or shoes for me, I'll really appreciate your kind gesture because I'm seriously hard up at the moment as my habit has spiralled out of control! Blah, Blah, f*ckin blah........
An item that was shown particular attention, was a pair of expensive Swarovski Crystal Christian Louboutin shoes.......I infact have 2 pairs of these shoes in different heel heights (Oooooh check you!)
I'm selling the Daffodils (because a woman in 160mm Stilettos doing a hard shift in the garden with her lawnmower in tow, isn't an ideal scenario..........I've been bloody jilted remember, I need to do all the chores single-handedly now, Oh the absolute bloody outrage!) On the plus side though, I will be keeping the 120mm Pigalles adorned with Aurora Boreal Swarovski Crystals for my dominatrix routines that I regularly perform infront of my mirror, keeps me fit & agile!
The newspapers also had a go at me this week for this Blog, branding it a "Foul-mouthed Rant" hold on just 1 moment while I p*ss myself.........they obviously haven't understood the concept of a Blog yet so we'll allow them the time to adjust to modern times & equip themselves with information regarding blogging, I reiterate the plural THEM..........yes, it infact took 2 Journalists to write the story, not 1 dumb ass, but 2!
Hahahahaha I'm having a moment of uncontrollable laughter.........
(I have 1 of those laughs btw, that when I get going, it gets completely out of control & people turn round in astonishment to look at who is making the outrageous racket wondering what the utter f*ck)
Suppose we had better start talking about beauty, given the fact this is what the content of my blog should be about.......well.......that & other things, don't want you all getting bored now do we?!!
I visited my Beautician, Justyna, this week at Synergy MediSpa in Giffnock, for an Callus foot peel (gets rid of all the unsightly hard skin) & a Dermalux Treatment. I absolutely adore this little luxury! There are so many benefits to Dermalux but the major plus point for me is, I fall into a deep sleep every single time I get the treatment, I wake up slabbering & disorientated, its excellent!
(Me relaxing, or sleeping should I say, under the dermalux at my beauticians this week.....)
Now please note, Beauty regimes don't just relate to women, it's all about the metrosexual in this day & age- what appeals to us ladies, may infact also appeal to the big pussy stealing your expensive Creme De La Mer Moisturiser before he goes to bed at night.........or is that just me & the previous??? (remember that's what we agreed to call him)
I have a strict beauty regime, I believe in really looking after myself........you put the effort in, you reap the rewards. Cleanse, tone, moisturise at night then cleanse, tone, moisturise before bed and NEVER sleep in your makeup, regardless of how shit-faced you are.........you may accidentally use Canesten-Combi as a moisturiser, but hey, at least you made the effort! You'll be renamed
'Thrush Face' but it could be worse, you could be jilted (do you think maybe he caught me putting Canesten-Combi on my face & thats why he 'Forsook' me?! Psml!)
Brand wise, I'm not here to advertise brands, I know what works best for me & I stick with it........I've done so much research over the years & tried & tested so many different brands & products until I found what ticked all the right boxes for me. I am a Creme De La Mer enthusiast............I have at 1 point, owned the entire collection, every single item - but, it doesn't all work for me so all I use now is the Toner & the original Moisturiser. If I have any dryness, then I'll bring out the trusty serum & put it on underneath the moisturiser.
There's actually a story behind how I came to stumble across the legendary serum, named The Concentrate.........after my son died in 2005, I suffered greatly with stress related break-outs & if ever I get really distraught, my face breaks out & it can be very distressing when it does, so it's a vicious circle. At 1 point, after meeting The Previous, my stress levels rocketed because of the constant press intrusion that was causing me serious upset & anxiety, as a result, I was given Roaccutane by a specialist Dermatologist & obviously, there are major side effects to taking Roaccutane. We were due to go on holiday to Las Vegas & I thought I was out of the danger zone having finished my course of medication 6 months prior to being in the sun, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case & my face got badly burned. We tried all the regular methods of helping with bad sun burn like The Previous taking great delight in slapping Natural Yoghurt on my face & taking a picture of his handy work (Sexy).........but nothing helped me, until we were informed by a Pharmacist in our Vegas hotel, about Creme De La Mer's Serum, The Concentrate. The genius that created Creme De La Mer was an Aerospace Physicist called Dr Max Huber & after being badly burned in Laboratory incident, he developed the skin care line to repair the damage done to his skin & he was successful in doing so....I can honestly hand on heart say it has been my skin life saviour on occasion.
(Me in Las Vegas in 2009 with yoghurt slapped on my dish! My eyebrows have came a long way since then hahahahahaha, cheers Moya!..........at least I'm still smiling!)
My night time products differ some what..........I absolutely swear by coconut oil. There is, without a shadow of a doubt, no better product. It's not feasible to use coconut oil during the day or with makeup, but at bedtime, slap it on & curl up comfy in bed. Sometimes, I'll mix pure vitamin E oil & Almond Oil with the coconut oil for extra replenishment & nourishment. I wake up in the morning & I'm fresh faced & happy with the results of my little concoction from the night before. Coconut oil can also be used as a hair mask & as a cuticle repair, amongst other things........its healing benefits are second to none...it removes bacteria from the skin, bacteria being the main cause of spots & blemishes- you'll notice clearer, softer skin with less visible pores & virtually no breakouts. I highly recommend investing in a jar!
Benefits & usage of Coconut Oil & other oils mentioned:
Mix 1 tsp Coconut Oil
1/3 cup Almond Oil
2 tsp Sea Salt
3 drops lemon juice
3 drops tea tree oil
All together in a bowl & soak for 5 minutes.
Finish by managing Coconut oil into cuticles.
Mix 1 tbsp Coconut Oil
1 tbsp raw sugar
rub over face for 2-3 minutes & rinse
Removing spots & blackheads
Mix 1 tbsp coconut oil
1 tbsp of honey
1 tsp baking soda
4 drops of lemon juice
leave on breakout for 5 minutes then rinse
For Tired Eyes
Mix 1 tbsp Coconut Oil
1 cup Green Tea (brew the tea & leave to cool)
1 tbsp Shea Butter
1 tbsp Sweet Almond Oil
3 drops Tea Tree Oil
3 drops Carrot Seed Oil
3 drops Lavender Essential Oil
1 tsp Beeswax
Coconut Oil, beeswax & shea butter together in a bowl & microwave for 30 seconds, add the rest of the oils & the green tea to the mix & stir until creamy consistency...apply to under eye
I use all of the above methods & many more, on a regular basis. They are not time consuming & they are not expensive either. I am not a regular at the Beauticians because I prefer at home pampering........I go to my own Beautician for certain treatments that I really enjoy & that are beneficial to me, but I never get facials or any treatments that I can do for myself.
In every blog, I will include luxurious treatments I receive that are provided by my qualified beautician, but I will also provide methods & treatments that can be performed in the comfort of you own home (while you prance about naked, if you like, with a strange & questionable looking consistency on you face) & with products that are reasonably priced & easily accessible, so there is something here for everyone (even the Metrosexual!)
Next week, I'll be discussing sexual appetites (just joking).......I will be discussing methods of removing facial acne scaring though & obviously, some gossip!
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